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Michael Jordan Michaels is a hero known as the Tar Hellion.


History[]

Origins[]

Michael Jordan Michaels was born to a family of very kind parents who very much enjoyed the name Michael (like George Michael) and Jordan (like the country). Once he makes his way to college in North Carolina, he joins a fraternity and for one of the outings, they go camping, drinking, playing a rousing game of freeze-tag in the pine forest. Michael stays frozen for about half an hour before he realizes he’s not hearing anything anymore, his buzz is wearing off, and there’s no one around, he can’t find his way back. He’s lost in the forest for three days, stuck stamping around, and when he finally makes his way out, he realizes that every time he touches a basketball, giant horns pop out of his head (he also was wearing a funny foam cowboy hat). He shows this to some of his friends, who freak out. They’re then playing basketball, and he realizes that he can literally make defenders stuck in the mud, sinking their feet in the ground. One day, he is walking to class, and all of a sudden a basketball court drops in the quad with five aliens, who say "bring us your best basketball players, or else we will conquer this university, and we will begin teaching naught but criminal sciences !". Michael says he’ll do it, alone against five, and he dominates them, freezing them in mud, his horns banging them around, his 18-foot fadeaway unstoppable despite the fact that it is mathematically not possible. When he makes a crossover move, it literally stops time. He wins, the aliens leave, he saves the day, and the campus is going nuts, as they all watched the game.

Formation of the K-OS Creamers[]

Michael is now a celebrity, and everybody loves him. He tries out for the NBA, but as he is completely destroying competition, they put in the stilts rule, which says that no superpowers or stilts are allowed on the court during league games. He is effectively banned from league play, as he can’t stop his horns from coming out, and he’s not NBA-level game. His endorsements dry up, and ten years later, he’s out of shape, bitter about what happened, and broke. Around this time, the ballin’ aliens return, this time at the behest of their cosmic patrons, K-OS and Ms-DOS. They make an announcement via every voice-speaker system and mobile phone in the world to say "people of Earth, our ballin’ aliens have returned, we would like to witness the greatest game your people can provide ; and if you provide us with a game worthy of our talents and our skills, we will leave you peacefully". The world is crying out for him to return, looking up and saying "Tar Hellion, where are you, save us !" and he looks down and whispers "uh… no, no thank you… no thanks, I’m good…" and eats some more pizza. All the NBA players, Lebron James, Michael Jordan have to come out of retirement and challenge the ballin’ aliens, but they’re not good enough. K-OS is very disappointed in the caliber of game, and would have sabotaged and devastated this planet in a fit of rage but for the words and prevention of Ms-DOS. K-OS puts on some social media advertisements targeting former NBA burnouts who can’t play because of the stilts rules. Michael is held under the sway of one of these powerful ads, and he can’t help but to go play. He shows up and sees that this ad has reached other people as well, such as the Blue Weevil, the Yellow Hacket, Golf Pack, and the Terrafin. They play again the ballin’ aliens and win after a good game that would have made a decent movie. K-OS takes this new team called the K-OS Creamers to travel in space and challenge alien civilizations in cosmic games of sport.

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